i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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