chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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