It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
