Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
