a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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