mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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