Your face is a jimmy john
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
