You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
