that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
