They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
