I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
