fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
