no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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