apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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