I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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