I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
