I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
