True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Holy sore nipples Batman
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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