I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize