Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
