His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
