Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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