oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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