I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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