Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
