that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
