Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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