my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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