I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize