quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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