So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
