What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
two words: eviction party
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everclear isn't food dammit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
