My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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