Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
