so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize