just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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