you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
