chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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