I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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