I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
