Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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