Sacagawea was the original milf.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize