There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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