# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
