i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
