ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
