the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
