i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
