i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
