You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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