He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
