Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
