Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
