I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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