Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
