direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
