I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
