Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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