so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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