he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
