just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
