i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
