Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
