he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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