1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
