what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
