yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
