we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
