So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
