I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
