Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
