8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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