hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
