A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
