It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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